What I Have Learn From “How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age” Book
This is the summary of “How to Win Friends and Influence People” Book.
PART ONE : Essentials of Engagement
1. Don’t Criticize, Condemn, or Complain
Many peoples get problems when they’re criticize, condemn, or complain to other people. Especially on the digital age, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook makes them feel more comfortable to criticize other people. Deserve or not, we all hate critics, condemn, and complain. So, stop this thing and you can enter the second rule.
2. Affirm What’s Good to Other People
Don’t tell to your friends that they’re bad to do public speaking. Even if it’s true, but don't say that to them. Otherwise, you better say “You are the most charismatic people that i know”. But, wait, why i should say that? Why i should affirm what’s good to other people? Because, sometimes affirming the good in others will mean reminding ourselves of that very good that exists in another. Beside of that, if you said to them the true they are, you just make them feel bad.
3. Connect with Core Desires
People want to talk to you about their desire, not yours. Of course you can talk about your desire, but the point is, don’t let your ego of your desire dominate yourself. Start with other people desire, and you can start your desire. That’s how you can win their heart.
PART TWO : Six Ways to Make a Lasting Impression
1. Take Interest in Other’s Interest
People will happy if they make a conversation with you about their interest. It’s not about changing your interest to other people’s interest, but it is about make a conversation based on other people’s interest. You can search their interest on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook account. It’s kinda hard for you if you’re not interested with other peoples interest. For example, i don’t like korean drama, but my friend is a big fan of korean drama. I don’t have any clue about korean drama, so i should search on the internet first about korean drama things.
2. Smile
Don’t show to your friends your frowning face. Show them your magic smile, it will transfer a positive aura to your friends. But, yes, don’t make an awkward smile. You can practice it on the mirror, first.
3. Reign with Names
We should always be aware of the magic contained in a person’s name and realize that this word is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing, and nobody else. It is a person’s trademark. After the gift of life, a person’s name is the first gift he or she received. When this word is used in conversation, the information we are discussing or the connection we are seeking takes on greater meaning.
4. Listen Longer
Listen longer means you have to listen what they feel. Especially, when they are complaining about you or about your company. Tried to understand and listen to them. Because, there are so many chance to them to make it worse about your condition if you’re not listen to them.
5. Discuss What Matter to Them
Perhaps what is most meaningful to you, after all, is being meaningful to others. One thing is certain: In an age when the mass of messages multiplies daily, only a small number really matter. To influence others, make sure yours are among them.
6. Leave Others a Little Better
The best way to build relationships is to add value to others. Make others valuable for you.
PART THREE : How to Merit and Maintain Other’s Trust
1. Avoid Arguments
You have to know that the negative effect of arguing is make the others is more trust with their opinion and the other also more trust about their opinion. So, you don’t want this gap, right? So, avoid that argument and try to understand others opinion. Be a diplomatic person.
2. Never Say, “You’re Wrong”
I called “You’re Wrong ” is the criminal ways to end friendship. If you don’t agree with others opinion, just don’t make it explicit in your words that you don’t agree with them. Make it more implicit and more soft in your words.
3. Admit faults Quickly and Emphatically
Don’t try to hide or deny your mistakes; in today’s digital world, news spread faster than ever.
4. Begin in a Friendly Way
When we’re friendly, we validate the other person. When people feel friendly toward us, they are more likely to agree with us.
5. Access Affinity
In the digital age, we can build affinity with people we haven’t even met — get people to say “yes” as often as possible, by offering what they want (rather than pitching our own products or causes).
6. Surrender the Credit
When you surrender credit as a way of life, you spread the effect of success, and collaboration will occur more naturally.
7. Engage with Empathy
Most people don’t stop to consider how others feel in a situation. You’ll stand out simply by making a sincere effort to understand someone’s circumstances and perspective.
8. Appeal to Noble Motives
By targeting the noble desires of people, we appeal to the side of them that wants to be presented in the best light.
9. Share Your Journey
By targeting the noble desires of people, we appeal to the side of them that wants to be presented in the best light.
10. Throw Down a Challenge
Use challenges to inspire and compel, rather than discourage and depress.
PART FOUR : How to Lead Change Without Resistance
1. Begin on a Positive Note
When you start on a negative note, your listeners tend to focus on that so completely that they lose the positive points that follow.
2. Acknowledge Your Baggage
This shifts the attention away from the other person’s mistakes and avoid triggering a defensive reaction.
3. Call Out Mistakes Quietly
Most people resent direct criticism. Check out the book or our summary for some examples on how to call out mistakes subtly.
4. Ask Questions Instead of Giving Direct Orders
To stimulate creative solutions, and promote ownership of the problem.
5. Mitigate Fault
Always consider how to let others save face, and never discuss others’ mistakes publicly.
6. Magnify Improvement
Praise and encouragement are 2 critical ingredients for motivating people to change and fulfill their potential.
7. Give Others a Fine Reputation to Live Up To
People tend to live up to our positive or negative expectations of them, so you’re indirectly influencing the results from others around you.
8. Stay Connected on Common Ground
This is the essence of the book — to know people’s goals, work on win-win outcomes and communicate this sincerely.
Source :
Excerpt From: Dale Carnegie & Associates. “How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age.” Apple Books.
